Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
