i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
