Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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