Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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