After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
