We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
