She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish i was in the wii world.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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