Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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