the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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