It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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