You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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