Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
