i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
