I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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