I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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