if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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