How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
