I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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