i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
