Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
