very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
