and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
