I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize