You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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