no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
