i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
