His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
