no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
