I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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