I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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