one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
