Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
