So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
