so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
