you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
