I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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