I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I intend to get homeless drunk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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