Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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