I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
