Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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