then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
