and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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