She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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