Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
