omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
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