I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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