he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
