im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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