No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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