Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
