why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
