Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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