is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
