You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
