i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
