How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
