dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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