who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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