I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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