get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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