Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
