i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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