My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
