It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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