i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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