that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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