He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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